Dada, I love you

To the man from whom I inherited a portion of my stubbornness, cheers to your spirit and heart. You left us today only physically. You will always be remembered by the way you laughed, the ways you made me laugh, your funny little habits. I wish I knew you better, but alas distance got the better of us. I’m drinking a brandy for you and wishing you so, so much peace. Cheers, Dada. We’ll miss you. 

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”
― Erin Hanson

“Who says paper worlds
Are an escape from what is real?
As though the lives trapped in their binding
Are not ones that make you feel.
For sometimes our greatest lessons
Come from those with ink for skin,
Who reach beyond the page
To take our hand and pull us in.”
― Erin Hanson

Brown Penny

I WHISPERED, ‘I am too young,’
And then, ‘I am old enough’;
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
‘Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.’
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.
O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

 

William Butler Yeats

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peanut Butter Cookies (with coconut oil)

Since my chocolate chip cookies with coconut oil came out great, I decided to try the same substitution with peanut butter cookies.

 

The final recipe is based on Betty Crocker, with a 1:1 substitution of butter for coconut oil, a little less sugar, and a little more peanut butter. Averie Cookies gave me the cornstarch tip, as well as the baking soda + powder tip.

 

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup peanut butter (you can use a bit more if you want)
• 1/4 cup shortening
• 1/4 cup coconut oil, at room temperature
• 1 egg
• 1 1/4 all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon cornstarch
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• Optional: about 2 cups of chips (peanut butter, chocolate, toffee–get creative!)

Recipe:

1. Mix the following well: shortening, coconut oil, peanut butter, egg, and sugar. The dough will likely have a Play-Doh-like consistency, so use your hands if you need to! (It’s more fun that way, anyway.)
2. Mix the dry ingredients in a separate bowl, and blend in until well mixed.
3. REFRIGERATE at least 2 hours and up to 5 days (otherwise the dough will be too soft and will yield flat, hard, cookies).
4. Heat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit, and bake for 8-10 minutes (or 350 and bake 12-14 minutes, depending on your oven).
5. Cool on tray for 5 minutes, and then cool completely on wire rack.

Results: I have to admit that I messed the recipe up today; I used 1/2 cup each of shortening and coconut oil because I misread the recipe. So my  ‘Lesson of the Day’ is not to bake when stressed and tired (I have a senior thesis due in a week, and thought baking would help me relax.) The cookies had a great melt-in-your-mouth quality, but are hella fattening. But the taste was great, they weren’t too dense thanks to the cornstarch I believe, and they were soft and gooey (well, too much so because of the extra fat). I will use the correct proportions next time, and update! Apologies!

 

Next time (once I fix my extra-fat-problem): I’m going to try these eggless!

Chocolate Chip Cookies (with coconut oil)

 

Today, I began a journey. A journey to figure out the best possible way to bake chocolate chip cookies with some healthy substitutions. Part One? Switching out the butter with some organic, unpressed, unrefined coconut oil.

Here’s the final recipe, and I referred to the guidelines from both Nestle and this recipe courtesy of Averie Cookies.

Ingredients:

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup unrefined, organic coconut oil, at room temperature
• 1 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
• 1 cup chopped nuts (optional — I didn’t have any)

Recipe:

1. Combine flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl.
2. Beat oil, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. It won’t get as fluffy as butter will, but it should mix well and look creamy.
3. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
4. Gradually beat in flour mixture.The dough will look somewhat “Play-Doh”-esque at this point, but as long as it has both an oily and dry consistency, it should be fine. Once I started adding the flour, I could no longer use a mechanical beater; I used my hands to mix the flour in (which were really soft afterwards). And, you can feel how soft and moist the dough is, despite the dryness.
5. Add morsels and nuts. Again, ditch the spoon and use your hands. Trust me, it’s fun!
6. Refrigerate overnight (well, at least 3 hours). Averie Cookies suggested shaping the cookies before refrigerating, but I was in a rush and shoved the dough in the fridge before heading out for the night. I’ll be sure to try shaping first next time!
7. [After X amount of hours…] Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit, drop the dough by the tablespoon onto an ungreased cookie sheet (leaving an inch or two in between), and bake for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown.
   1. NOTE: I baked one batch at 375 for 9 minutes, and a second batch at 350 for about 12 minutes. Both came out quite nice!
8. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

THE RESULTS: This recipe yielded about 48 cookies that were just the right amount chewy, just the right amount stiff. The softness lasted a full 4 to 5 days in an airtight container!

MY THOUGHT PROCESS:

I started with the Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe. With the help of this blog that tried the Nestle recipe with coconut oil, this blog (Averie Cookies) that offers a delicious-looking recipe and tips for baking with coconut oil, and these coconut-oil guidelines, I made the following changes.

1 cup of softened butter replaced by 3/4 cup coconut oil 

3/4 cup granulated sugar and 3/4 cup packed brown sugar replaced by 1 1/4 cup granulated sugar 

[In case you’re wondering why: I used less coconut oil despite the 1-to-1 replacement guideline, because the wonderful person who used coconut oil in the Nestle recipe said the cookies came out greasy (but still good), and the recipe that uses coconut oil from the get-go used 3/4 oil for 2 cups of flour. So, I figured 3/4 cup of oil for 2 1/4 cups of flour should work okay. I used less than the total 1 1/2 cups of sugar after reading that coconut oil will lend the cookies extra sweetness, and because I admittedly didn’t have the brown sugar the recipe called for.] 

I refrigerated overnight, to allow the coconut oil to harden again. [The why: without refrigeration, the greasiness of the oil will cause the cookies to flatten, harden, and be, well, greasy.]

 

The next time I make this recipe, I plan to use an egg substitute, to make them completely dairy-free so lactose-intolerant munchkins like my baby nephew can eat them, too! 

Traveling Song, by Ryn Weaver

Dear Ashna,

I found the perfect song to add to our list. I hope you like it as much as I do–but I guess it’s more for me than it is for you. It’s making me cry, and I know you’d hate that. I can actually hear you yelling at me not to, which, in turn, makes me laugh. And so it goes… Pray, give me another dozen listens, and the tears will stop.

I love you!

your baby sister

“Traveling Song”

Oh father time…
That meter maid who lends one lively winking eye
We dance a borrowed jig while hiding from the fine
Oh, what I wouldn’t spend to lend you mineNobody knows where they are going
Oh, how we try to wrap our minds
Over the edge of all our “knowings”,
Be it a bang of the divine
Tip of my iceberg blues are showing
I’ve never been on for goodbyes…
So, till I meet you there, I’m singing
A traveling song to ease the ride and so you know

Everywhere I roam
I’ll see you on the road

Oh, I take it in vain,
All the plans and moves that we made!
Half a heart is aching to grow.
Soulmates aren’t just lovers, you know.
I know.
I know your eyes are the rain.
Just a soul that’s changing it’s shape.
I’ll be laughing all of the way…
Thinking ’bout the days.

Nobody knows where they are going
Oh, how we try to wrap our minds
Over the edge of all our “knowings”,
Be it a bang of the divine
Tip of my iceberg blues are showing
I’ve never been on for goodbyes…
So, till I meet you there, I’m singing
A traveling song to ease the ride and so you know

Everywhere I roam
I’ll see you on the road

So, farewell to my friend.

He who taught me to love like a beast and to feast like the queen that he fed turtle soup! Little boy from Paris to the states, check the facts. That was Magical Max.

He was black sheep. and mischief. and love for his craft.

And he told me that I was Apollo 13 on that very last day. He said “shoot for your dreams, little girl. To the stars!” Well, I’m taking you with me now, this one is ours. And I know what you’d say, you’d say, “On with the show!”

So on we go…

Sail On.

In the wise words of Elizabeth Gilbert : People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And im learning on the other side of heartbreak is wisdom. I will always send light and love, and for that, we will sail on.

What is all this crazy?

In light of all the crazy happening in the world right now, as well as the stress of my own thesis and job search efforts, I am irrationally happy with a slice of cake for it is a simple reminder of togetherness. 

As the sugars roll over your tongue, let the memories of the first birthday you remember wash over you. The triumph of blowing out your candles, the beaming smiles of your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends, an neighbors that had come over to celebrate your existence in this world. 

As you lick the icing off your fingers, think about the graduation party full of cards and pats on the back wishing you well on your bright future. Hear the words “you did it!” shouted over and over, a mantra to your achievements, your hard work. See the beaming faces of the people gathered to revel in your happy moment, your success. 
Let the fluffy nothingness or dense flavors pull memories of cakes made with friends to cheer someone up, cakes made to welcome you to a new neighboorhood, cakes made to celebrate love. 

In the aftermath of horror, all we can do is take solace in the little things, like a slice of sugary delight, that bring forth memories of good that encourage us to stand up and demand more humanity. 
#prayforparis #concernedstudent1950 

   

a butter yellow cake with strawberry jam, chocolate frosting, and coconut garnish